Twelve by J. L. Kiunga

Author:J. L. Kiunga
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: boxing, fighting, suicide, addiction, small town
Publisher: J. L. Kiunga
Published: 2013-10-09T16:00:00+00:00

I stood outside on the street again for what seemed like ages, staring off into the distance as snowflakes began to fall lightly, appearing like a shower under the street lamps.

I walked home under the light of those lamps and the pale moonlight, and I didn’t care whether the Piranhas caught me or not. I didn’t even care if they beat me to death because I didn’t feel like there was any reason to live any more.

I’d promised myself years before, during my struggles coping with Dad’s suicide, that I’d never wish for my own death, and hated myself for thinking about it. But I was beginning to see why people went that route. On the outset, it can easily seem like the only way out of a terrible pain tearing a person to pieces. It’s easy to start thinking it would be better to finish it all at once, like ripping off a Band-aid, and then it’s done, rather than slowly pulling the tape off, ripping each little hair along the way.

I got home and after I’d taken off my coat and boots, I went straight to my room, not saying a word to Ma who was still sitting in the dining room. A bottle of JD sat in front of her, nearly half-empty.

“Did you find her?” she mumbled.

I didn’t answer. I felt hideous for striking my mother. I never thought I had it in me. But I was still so furious, I didn’t even want to look at her.

“Fine!” she hollered at me from the dining room after a few minutes of silence passed. “You’re just as ungrateful as the rest of ‘em, Georgie.”

In a way, I pitied my mother, because it was clear she wasn’t in control of herself anymore. Nothing had been under control since Jon found Dad with his brains splashed against the wall in the recreation room. Ma must’ve been reliving that day in her mind every day since, I realized.

But I had little room for sympathy left in my heart, because something hard and ugly was starting to fill it.

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